Two Steps Away From the Third Floor

It’s the day after my birthday, and I found myself doing some reflection (post-birthday clarity). It’s safe to say I’m no longer giddy, though the feeling of happiness hasn’t left me.

While doing my laundry this morning, I remembered the birthday I turned a quarter of a century. In my history of birthdays, that was my most depressing. Well, it started out as the most depressing, but it turned out to be one of my best birthdays ever. My family made that happen, especially my sugar daddies. It felt like my sweet 16. The difference was that I didn’t get a car as a gift. We had a mini celebration at home, and my sugar daddy got me a tiara (I’m not very sure), a pink sash, and a yummy chocolate cake from Nuts About Cakes, with some sparklers on it for some “fireworks.” Then my second sugar daddy and his sweet, sweet wife made my account balance actually balance. Balancing my account balance is a birthday tradition I now look forward to. That same year, I got a big box of beauty and fashion items from my choco princess. So yeah, great birthday.

Then there was last year, when I was intentional about celebrating myself. I knew I wanted to get myself two cakes, look pretty, and do a solo dinner, but I got more than that. It was a wonderful day. I got the cakes, and for the first time in my life, I had a birthday date. So I didn’t have to worry about the solo dinner. And again, for the first time in my life, non-family members gifted me money on my birthday. Even people I didn’t know. I got food too! It was unbelievable. Receiving those gifts felt awkward, I’m not going to lie. It felt good, too.

One thing about my birthday is that it gets better every year. I was so confident that this year’s would be better. But was it better? Yes! In its unique way. I didn’t receive gifts like last year, but my sugar daddy and choco princess didn’t disappoint me. And my birthday celebration continues. To let you know that I’m not joking, I’ve been singing “It’s my birthday; I’m gon do what I like,” and it’s already a day after. Another thing keeping me excited is that I’ll celebrate it next week. So, yay!!

But that’s not the story. Now, here’s the story. My reflection made me realize I’ve come a long way. I’m doing grown-woman stuff, being responsible for myself, and being a good daughter once-once to my mom because I don’t need a big break before she starts to enjoy the fruits of her hard labour. I’ve been taking care of big bills and getting myself stuff when I succeed in talking myself out of being stingy to myself. I’ve also been more generous than ever. 

Forget all that talk about being able to afford milk and vegetables in my last blog post. I wasn’t thinking straight because of the overexcitement. My good gracious God! I’m an actual big girl, and I’m just realizing it. I guess this is another sign that my life has been so chill because I’m not been keeping tabs. I’ve been living with the confidence that I never had. The kind you have from knowing you live a life of abundance and will never be stranded to the point you seek intervention. 

I’m about to burst with pride over my achievements. Anha! Me sef, I’m not small ke. I’ve made so much progress since my 25th birthday. So much. I’ve had the most heavy debit alerts in the last year, and I’ve never been broke. One way or another, my well never runs dry. My current state of brokeness would be my “very comfortable” in my 25th and 26th years. Reflections are good. I didn’t reflect properly yesterday and was yapping nonsense to you (apologies for the deceit). This doesn’t invalidate or change what I told you previously. I’m just saying that I watered down my progress (forgive me, father for I have sinned). 

So, year 27 was a journey. It was super adventurous, too. I stepped out of my comfort zone and loosened up a bit. It was good, but I knew it would be temporary because that wasn’t really me. It’s sad to say that I’ve snapped back to being serious. Well, mostly because I’m now far away from the person who used to motivate me to relass. I may have had an identity crisis briefly, too. I tried to alter some of my traits/perspectives, but it wasn’t just it at all. That short phase was necessary. Very necessary. It helped me realize THIS IS really ME. 

The beauty of life is that it is a journey. Sometimes, we must lose some of ourselves to find our true selves. I’m nowhere near my destination. I mean, I’ve spent just 28 years here. There’s so much to learn about myself. It would be an exaggeration to say I’ve only scratched the surface because I haven’t even scratched it. I can’t wait to see what I’ll find when I eventually do.

Life is beautiful, you know? It is beautiful, primarily because of its complexity and gray areas. I’ve been excited and curious to see what I’d find on the third floor, though I have two more steps to deal with. A whole lot can happen between now and that time. A whole lot, and I can’t wait to see it. I know I need to calm down. So, before I leave the second floor, I’ll soak in every moment of 28 and 29. I will run my own race (emphasis on my own). 

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from life, it is that comparison is a thief of joy. It is a major reason many of us lack peace and happiness. You can strive for the future you desire without constantly putting yourself under pressure. You can be content with your present and still work towards a better future (be ambitious). I learnt contentment from my mother. It occasionally annoyed me when I was younger, but it made sense as I grew older. 

Lack of contentment will make you constantly compare until you lose your peace and maybe untighten some screws in your head. Comparisons will happen, but don’t let it drag. Don’t let it linger and steal your peace. When it happens, take the motivation, thank God for the present, and move on! I know it can be hard, but try. Inugo?  If you don’t understand Igbo, ask your Igbo friends to interpret for you. And if you don’t have any, go get yourself one, two, or a thousand.

Finally, happy birthday to me again. It doesn’t matter that my birthday was yesterday; I’ll continue celebrating until I’m satisfied. Peace be unto you, my fan. Cheers! 

And, oh, I’m still living on my terms and conditions. That hasn’t changed and will never change. If it does, I’ll update you. You can also catch up on my previous birthday entries by clicking on the following:

• A note to my late husband
• Ogadinma
• No coincidences here: que sera sera
• Why birthdays are meh for me
• 18 again

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