Posts tagged judgment

In past years, my favourite quote had always been and still is “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. You’re probably wondering right now, of all quotes, it had to be this? Yes, it had to be that. In my twenty something years of existence, I’d say I’ve been judged wrongly at least twelve years out of the twenty something years by people most of whom barely knew my name. Does my choice of favourite quote now make sense to you? If it doesn’t, I’m sorry, I can’t help you further.

“They say don’t judge a book by its cover and I say maybe you should. People should work on their covers. There’s so much to do in this world, we cannot be going around reading every book” . I saw this somewhere on social media and didn’t know what to think for a moment. From my own point of view, here’s what I truly think…

As a result of being too judged quickly without a chance of letting my true self be known, I’ve grown to be sensitive towards people, understand them, give them space to exhibit who they really are and not nail them for not being me. You can imagine someone spreading news that you are very arrogant and proud at every slight chance s/he gets and keeps repeating this to every soul that cares to listen. Eventually, the gist gets to you after a while of being left to wonder why you’ve been getting cold reception from people who used to be nice to you or were indifferent about your existence . You get the courage to confront the originator of the gist, asking him or her for reasons for such action and you get this; ” You walk like you built or own this place” or ” You don’t talk to people. You keep to yourself a lot , acting like every other person is beneath you“. How ridiculous did that sound reading it? This is coming from someone who hasn’t even made an attempt to have a conversation with you. It makes me wonder if some people are unaware or just choose to ignore the fact that loners, introverts, reserved and shy people do exist.

I’ve heard this statement countless of times, ” Before I got close to you, I thought you were a very proud person” . I must confess, I’ve made such statements too, maybe not the same but similar. I got to a point where not being tagged as proud became abnormal to me, I started to look forward to being called a proud girl, lol. Weird, huh? Let’s just say I found a defense mechanism against thrash or I grew a tough skin to negative comments cos I knew they were wrong. It didn’t matter cos I knew me better. It would only matter if it comes from people that matter. Punchline, yeah? Haha. Let’s get this straight, pride is not the only assumption people make about others, it’s just one of, if not the most prominent, which is why I’m hitting on it.

Let’s talk about dressing, another basis of judgement . If our crimes were to be judged by our dressing, I think a lot of good guys would have been long sentenced. A girl who loves to wear shorts, I mean short outfits cos she feels more comfortable or confident in them is mostly tagged as a spoilt good. You’ll hear comments like, “That one na pikin? E don spoil finish. Na man e dey follow upandan” lol. The kind of conviction with which people say these things will leave you with no doubt that the accused is guilty as charged. Funny thing is, they may never have seen the innocent girl with any man. Same goes for the boys, a boy who weaves his hair or locks it, is definitely in a gang of robbers or cultists. A lady or young man that wears ribbed jeans is very irresponsible, God forbid that their innocent children be seen in such corrupt company . I laugh in pity when I think of these things. I live in a society where people are two faced and live double standard lives. A society where a man or woman who claims to be a Christian, goes to church, sunshine or rainfall and yet is less Christ-like than the man who doesn’t believe in the existence of God. Alright, let me not go religious on y’all.

Dear madam righteous, Did you know that your favourite girl, the one who wears dresses that sweeps the floor behind her, covers her body so well, that her complexion would have been forgotten if not for her face, the only exposed part… What was I saying again sef? Yes! Did you know she’s gotten intimate with at least three of your sons and virtually knows all the sex positions at seventeen. While your crucified sinner, the one who wears everything tight and short is yet to have her first kiss at twenty one?

Oga holy, you too. That your model boy who lives opposite your house, always neatly dressed in well ironed shirts tucked into well gatored pants, wearing shoes well polished enough to show ones reflection and wears a neatly cut hair on his head. Do you know how many of your daughter’s he has lain with? Do you know how many future leaders he has terminated before they had a chance to even form? Did you also know that that abomination of a child who has a tattoo and keeps a head full of hair has never stolen and has been very loyal to his girlfriend of two years? A-ha, I forgot to mention that your model boy, is the rascal that robbed you of your latest android phone the other night.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s okay not to dress modestly. Being modest is very good, I love modest people and encourage it. My point is, don’t be too fast in making conclusions about a person just by mere dressing. Take your time to interact first if you get the chance to and make your observations. Did you note that I said observations and not conclusions?

There are lots of stories to tell about people who have been wrongly judged by mere appearance, sound, countenance and sometimes a moment of weakness . There are times I almost get carried away to make conclusions about people without really knowing them but I call myself back cos I’ve been there, I’m still there and I’m probably never gonna leave. Whether or not we like it, we’ll always be judged. Sad truth.

What do you think about books and theirs covers? Drop your comments, let’s talk.