Posts tagged Children

Between Butterflies, Dreams, and Babies

Life Uncategorized 3 Comments

Would you laugh if I told you I worry a lot about my children when I don’t even have any? It may sound ridiculous, but it is true that I worry about them. I care a lot about being a good mother to my kids and providing them with an equally good or even better father. As a matter of fact, I have already found a godfather for my first child. I mean, if I can’t marry this man to be the father of my kids, I might as well get him involved in at least one of my kid’s life. Are you wondering how we got here? I’ll tell you.

“Godfather” ticks almost every box for my future partner, the father of my kids. To say he’s brilliant would be an understatement because he’s, in fact, a genius. He’s got the looks, good fashion sense, a good sense of humour, great profession and alladat. But what caught my attention, aside from his brilliance, was his heart and emotional intelligence. He is an empathetic human who knows how to treat people with respect. He is kind and gracious, and I do not doubt his genuineness.

He’s the kind of man I see myself raising kids with. An excellent example for a son and daughter. For a son because he would see what a proper man should be like and grow up to be an even better version. For a daughter because she would see how he treats her and her mother and not expect less from men when she is older.

But why am I settling for the role of godfather to my child rather than husband to me? Well, well. First, I don’t consider myself his type—not like I know his type, but I assume his type would be a genius, and trust me, I’m not that. Of course, I’m a smartass, but not genius level. Secondly, we might also bore each other out (I don’t know why I think so). I also do not know if I like him in that way. I’ve never bothered to find out, but I know I greatly respect and admire him.

This doesn’t mean he doesn’t stand a chance to be my husband and father of my kids because all those “excuses” are nothing. Actually, he’s on my list of potential husbands (I promise I’m not crazy). I just need to be the woman of my dreams first before I start chasing these men of my dream.

As much as I’d love to do forever with someone I’m helplessly in love with, that is secondary for me compared to having a good husband and an even better father. If I find myself a man who would be a near-perfect father and good husband, I’m dragging him to the altar. Butterflies will grow later. So long we like each other, and there’s a good level of sexual attraction and respect, I think we’re good. I’ve come to learn that in life, we can’t always have it all (sighs in sadness). Even Adekunle Gold said, “Love is not enough.”

That’s how much I love my children still waiting to be born. Sometimes, I’m convinced that being a mother is a core reason for my existence (I do not think it is the same for everyone). And over time, I’ve realized it doesn’t necessarily have to be children from my fertilized egg. I’ve always had a thing for nurturing. It is why, when planning my future at sixteen, I dreamed of having a family of six children, three born and three adopted or four born and two adopted. I also had plans to start a foundation for orphans, less privileged children, or children with single parents. I don’t even mind being a stepmom.

I know how challenging parenting can be, but I’d still love to be one. In fact, it can be exhausting. Still, I want to be responsible for other responsible humans who would also raise responsible humans. I want to invest a lot of love into some little humans who will grow up to do the same. It might seem delusional, but I want to create an incorruptible cycle.

I want to be good people who would birth and raise other good people with another good people. But the evil in the world sometimes scares me and makes me rethink my choice of wanting to be a mother. Honestly, there have been times when I decided I won’t birth or raise any child cos I may not be able to forgive myself if the evil in the world hurts them or they become the evil themselves. It’s crazy, I know.

I also want to be a career woman and be up there. At the same time, I want to be a very present mother. I want always to be there to shield them from the world’s evils. I want them to feel and know the love of homemade meals (I’m not too fond of cooking, but anything for my babies). You might say some have done it before me and succeeded, but if we’re being honest, one of the two would always suffer for the other. Well, well. I guess I’ll cross that hurdle when I get there, or I’ll just run away. Until then, let me go back to curating my list of potential husbands.

PS: I didn’t mention something about my relationship with “Godfather.” No, I’m not about to say it because you’d either laugh at me or think I need therapy because I must be crazy. I guess I’ve just successfully piqued your curiosity. Still not telling you. I just hope he knows I wasn’t joking when he agreed to be godfather to my child. Who knows? He might be lucky enough to get upgraded to father instead of godfather. May God spare our lives till then.

On Becoming Master-Chef II

Food Life Random 6 Comments

I tried calling my mum, but there was no signal cos I was in a village. “Dear lord, please, do not put me to shame,” I prayed. I knew my mom made egusi, using different methods, but my memory decided to fail me, as I wasn’t sure of which step came first.

Eventually, I went with the frying method–this remains my best method, because it saved in time of distress– You should have seen my excitement when whatever I did started to look like soup, and tasted like one. I was feeling fly, until it was time to slice the vegetable. What was a girl going to do? I still didn’t know how to handle a knife properly. I don’t remember exactly how I went about it, but I did it, and I remember leaving the kitchen with at least, two cuts and chipped nails, from cutting onion and vegetable.

So, people ate my food and not one soul was mourned, nobody had diarrhoea. It was in fact, a big win. Nobody, but one annoying human, complained. He, with so much entitlement, said I didn’t put enough salt– it was at this point I decided I didn’t like him, and we couldn’t be friends. I remember telling him something was wrong with his taste buds, cos the salt in that food was the perfect amount.

Just imagine the audacity, if only he knew the kind of battles I fought in that kitchen, he would not have opened that mouth without thinking first. It wasn’t even the comment that grazed my heart, it was how he said it, like he paid me to cook for him. He could have even appreciated my effort first, before criticizing. I guess he was busy learning how to cook at ten, instead of learning good manners.

Well, that marked the start of my cooking journey. Though I’m inconsistent, whenever I decide to visit the kitchen, I perform magic. If I hadn’t been alone for three months, during the first phase of lockdown, it would have been about a year and one month since I last cooked.

Just two days ago, I decided to check if I still had it in me, cos my little cousins’ comments would not stop ringing in my head. Those little cupcakes of mine didn’t think their dear aunt could cook, they didn’t even trust me enough to prepare their cereal when I volunteered to give them breakfast one morning. The eldest asked, “Auntie Ekata, can you even cook?” At least, he was kind enough to ask. The younger one was very certain I couldn’t cook, cos he exclaimed, “but auntie Ekata can’t even cook!” and I felt that in my soul as I burst into laughter.

I couldn’t blame them, after all, all I do in the kitchen is to take food to eat. Even I, started to doubt that I could cook. Guess who came asking for more after tasting the magic I made…

Two plates of magic, created by the Masterchef herself… Presentation is the best part of cooking, for me.

To be honest, I was kind of concerned that I would flop, but then, I remembered that my God never flops. And oh boy! I dey cook! This isn’t bluff, trust me.

If you’re wondering why my mum cut me some slacks in the kitchen, it’s because there were more important things to teach me, like good manners and values. She’s of the belief that, cooking can be learnt at anytime, it isn’t rocket science, but good character is something one has to build early. And my mom is always right, cos look at me! This doesn’t mean I don’t have my bad days in the kitchen, and I’m sure this is same for everyone.

Cooking is obviously an essential skill everyone should have, for survival, especially when you can’t afford to pay for the service.

If you missed the first part of this story, you can read up on On becoming Master-Chef , to get yourself acquainted before scrolling down.

Have you caught up yet? If yes, you can proceed to the end. If no, please, go back and open that link (I’m not begging, I really just care about you and do not want you to feel left out😉).

Now that you’ve read the complete story, do you think it is important to start learning to cook at a very young age or you, like my mum and I, think it can be learnt at anytime?

Before you answer that, here’s a bit of unsolicited advice for you, especially for aspiring mothers: Focus on raising your kids to be good humans first, before any other thing. Teach them the same values.

Never let your training be about ‘is this how you’ll be doing in your husband’s house?’ ‘If you can’t cook in your husband’s house, your husband’s family will send you packing’ and I’m sure you’re familiar with other instances, so I won’t bore you with them.

Apparently, the major reason most mothers put so much pressure on their girls at very young ages, is for them to be the perfect ‘100 yards wife material,’ while they let their boys be anyhow cos ‘Boys Will Be Boys.’ They forget to let their children–girls– be children, in the process… Well, I didn’t plan for this to become a TED talk, but here we are– free unsolicited advice, or you can call it ‘TED talk,’ for zero kobo. You’re welcome.

Now, back to the question. Let me know what you think and drop your answers in the comment section.