Posts tagged 2021

The Year I Bonded With a Beast

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I need to put this on record; I need all and sundry to know that 2021 is the year I got to finally let myself trust a beast.

I met Simon on Christmas day. Our relationship went from “hold your dog. Don’t let him come near me…I love dogs, but from afar. I don’t trust them” to “hello, Simon. Did you miss me? Good boy!” While patting his head or letting him have my fingers in his mouth. The transition happened within a space of two or three days. This right here, is what I call growth. Probably my most significant growth in 2021. My dad must be really proud cos the last of his offspring finally bonded with at least one dog in her lifetime (man was a huge dog person and owned quite a number).

Can you believe I trust that white furry beast, enough to let it eat from my hand and lick it? Of course, you can. Why wouldn’t you? I just said I let it playfully bite my fingers —”while letting him have my fingers in his mouth.” Best part of having a dog as friend is the burst of excitement when it sights you. Oh my! Makes you feel like the best thing to have happened to the universe.

There’s been some other growth and beautiful experiences this year. I started a saving plan with Cowrywise on my birthday, in August—oh, my. This one is really hard. It takes a lot of discipline to be consistent, considering that I have no stable source of income. I just saved for the month of December and it took a whole lot of strength to do. The amount I save monthly is probably a friend’s daily feeding allowance, but trust me, taking that sum aside made me feel feverish. My only cure right now is credit alerts upon credit alerts.

In addition, I eventually got comfortable with twenty-five (could be better); interned in a company of my choice, an international one; made good connections; and I got my first paid writing job too…I could go on and on, but I won’t.

About the writing job, it started with this beautiful young lady, of whom I’m a fan, sliding into my DM on WhatsApp and asking, like two thousand and twenty one others before her have, “Soniaaaaa, do you take content writing jobs?” My heart first did a quick leap as in a contemporary dance, before I could give an answer— it leaped out of anxiety, not joy. I was about to give my usual flat “no,” but you know that saying by Chinua Achebe, that a sparkling clean bank account is the beginning of wisdom? That happened to me. The state of my bank account spoke to me “ji, ma sun!” and it pushed me to modify my usual response to a “I don’t, but I could.”

You’re probably thinking if that was necessary. I mean, I could have just said yes cos “fake it until you make it.” No? Let’s just say I gave that response cos honesty is important to me and partly because I was giving her a chance to walk away and go find an experienced professional writer. Why would I do that? Well, well, I guess we have imposter syndrome to blame. It’s crazy, considering the fact that I’ve been doing free jobs for friends.

As the universe would have it, the job was mine to execute, cos why else would my client (this feels good to say) just say “oh,
greaaaaatttt!” and trust me with the job?

I eventually got the job done and got my pay. I even got tipped. You know what that tip did to my confidence, ehn? Oh la-la! In other news, guys, I’m available to accept writing jobs. You know, with that money I earned, I could have been a land owner on Banana Island and acquired some properties in Maldives, but I chose not to, cos I honestly can’t deal with harassment from EFCC right now.

If I had to award one month most generous month of the year, it would be December: My first writing gig was in December. I met and bonded with Simon in December; got the most credit alerts; had my first ever karaoke; learnt to play Monopoly; let myself drink more than a glass of wine outside my home… In short, I let my wings spread wide in December.

While I may not have had what most consider a major breakthrough, I’m very thankful for the little wins which are big to me. Overall, 2021 was good to me. I’m even more positive about 2022.

Happy New Year, dearly beloved readers. You’re the reason I write. Thank you for always listening.

While we drink to a prosperous 2022, don’t forget to bring gigs—especially ones that would give me Elon’s kind of wealth. I’m just one mail away.

The Twenty-ninth Day of Christmas

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Seated on the floor, eating my breakfast of sandwich, chips, and tea, I pick up my phone to check today’s date and to my surprise, it’s the twenty-ninth day of Christmas— if we’re counting from the first of December, cos I honestly don’t know how the days of Christmas work— already and it’s a Wednesday. Hoooooww?! Must be all that fun I had that made me lose track of time, courtesy of an old friend I recently reconnected with (by old friend, I do not mean an ex, I mean exactly an old friend).

The thought of how time flew past me without me seeing it, left me reminiscing on the past few days and the many kind acts I was witness to. This took me further down the memory lane of “top kind acts of 2021“.

In order of occurrence, I’ll take you down the lane of top three kind acts of 2021. I have received a lot of kindness this year, but these three I’ll share, stand out for me because they were very random and unexpected.

Act One; October 2021

It was a Tuesday evening, at past five pm, and I was heading out of the plant, walking like I was being powered by my last one percent of energy. To say I was exhausted would be an understatement. I was drained and my muscles were in purgatory. I could barely walk, I had a bad left leg, due to pressure from long hours of standing and walking ceaselessly. Getting myself to the gate took so much effort, I just wanted to get back home and throw my useless self on the bed.

I was outside the company gate, waiting impatiently for a bike, when this black car, driving out of the company, stopped in its tracks. Its driver asked me where I was headed and offered to drop me get there.

My initial reaction was surprise, cos I had walked past this man earlier and didn’t greet him. On a normal day, even one that isn’t gay, I’d greet everyone I come across, the birds and the grasses included. But on that fateful evening, my tiredness had extended to my mouth and vocal cords, the most I could do was a mental greeting. And there was no way this gentleman could have known that I had greeted him in my head.

A regular Nigerian elder would not have bothered to stop for a girl who saw him and didn’t greet him. This particular Nigerian elder saw beyond my “poor manners” and chose to be kind. He had noticed the limp in my gait, so he decided to help me when he met me at the gate.

The first thing he said to me when I got in his car, after exchanging greetings and expressing my gratitude, was “How was work today? You must be very tired, I saw you earlier at the plant. I was behind you watching how you were walking, that’s why I stopped for you.” I was touched by that, but somewhere in my heart, I was expecting that he’d ask for my contact. He had to want something back, most Nigerian men aren’t just kind to women for no reason. It’s always tit for tat, even if they’d ask for tat much later, strategically.

This man was to be different. I thought he was also helping cos he was headed in my direction but it turned out he had no business in my axis at all, our paths were very different. He meant what he said when he said he wanted to help— this man dropped me right in front of my home gate, not minding that it was really far from work and his own home. Can you believe it?

I was skeptical when he asked for my house address. I almost gave him a wrong direction cos I didn’t totally trust his intentions. And I’m glad I didn’t do that. I’m about to shock you again, are you ready? Okay. This man dropped me off without even asking for my name, throughout our conversation on the ride! You know what that means, right? He didn’t ask for my number! And he didn’t bring up all that talk about when we could hang out.

My gracious God! Whatever charm I wore that day, I love it! Cos this man saw me the next day at work and didn’t even recognize me. Ran into him a couple of other times, and every time, I had to reintroduce myself as the girl he helped “the other day”. Lol! The cute part is how he’d always have a questioning do-I-know-you? look in his eyes, while politely acknowledging my greeting, which was always familiar, with a smile.

You are probably wondering what kind of slow man he is. Well, he isn’t. We both wore face masks throughout our interactions. I would have had problems identifying him too, but for his feet (sandals, actually)—he didn’t wear boots like the rest of us.

Act Two; 25th of December, 2021

On Christmas morning, I woke up with a soaked pad of tissue, a sore body, hungry and clueless on what to eat. After hours of lying lazily in bed, I dragged myself out of bed to prepare and eat the only available breakfast cereal in the house, a depressing one.

Ho! Ho! Ho! It was about to be a depressing Christmas, but my Chi, in conjunction with my soul sister, said “not on our watch, not on the Prince of Peace’s birthday!” Lo and behold, a call from an unknown number came in.

It was an elf, disguising as a dispatch rider from Country Kitchen, delivering food from Santa Omachalacha. My soul sister had made arrangements for food to be delivered to me on Christmas morning. Oh boy! I could have drowned the rider in Christmas tears, but hard girls don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves… My Soul Sister changed the trajectory of my day. It didn’t matter that she was in Lagos and I was in Osun.

Act Three; 25th of December, 2021

That same morning, while basking in the love from thousands of miles away and trying not to think of my soaked “pad”, my Chi led this young man to my doorstep. Prior to the young man’s arrival, I had gone out in a futile search for sanitary pads. I had used the last one the previous morning, I thought I had a spare pack somewhere. I always do. By the time I realized I had no extra pack, it was too late; all the neighbouring shops were closed. I had to wait till Christmas morning… Long story cut short, Mr young man climbed mountains and crossed oceans to get me two packs of sanitary pads and he paid for them.

Two times in a row, without a break, my soft spot was tickled… Did Mr Young Man end there? No, but the remaining part of the story doesn’t really concern you. Sorry.

The End.

To a beautiful Christmas; to kind hearts; to love spread; to my Chi, Omachalacha, Mr Young Man, and my Elf friend who sent me money on Christmas eve, Cheers.🍻

Merry Christmas, everyone (according to my Church calendar, it’s still Christmas). In the spirit of Christmas, I am still receiving gifts (including money) on behalf of infant Jesus, a.k.a, Prince of Peace.

Account Number: 2125556651

Bank Name: UBA

Account Name: Emmanuel Jesus God

A very happy and prosperous New Year in advance, to those who would show love to our (myself and infant Jesus) joint account.

Expectations for 2021

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I had just come back into my room, after lighting up some fireworks and knockouts when it struck me that bad as twendy twendy had been, lots of people are really grateful and positive. ‘How did you come to this conclusion?’ You may wonder. Fireworks! Knockouts! Okay. I’ll make this make sense. I don’t think anyone without gratitude and hope, would spend money on fireworks, or stay up till 12am, just for the ceremony of knocking out twendy twenty. And o boy! I tell you, the amount of knockouts and fire works that have gone into the sky, leaves me with a certainty that while 2020 may have been the ‘dreary year,’ it was also one of hope.

Did I have resolutions for 2020? No. But I did have plans which were ruined by the pandemic. I’ve lost a whole academic year, all thanks to ‘Coloma vilus.’ Twendy twendy, was my closest to being depressed. The first few months were blessings to me, I got to spend a lot of lone time; gave my body and soul proper care; loved myself more; found my be-you-ty-full; I found friends in four beautiful ladies that were just acquaintances, before the lockdown.

A few months later, I felt my life was stagnant; no school, no job, no skill, nothing! It bothered me that an extra year in school was being shoved down my neck, and that my mother still had to give me daily allowance. Ah mean, am I back in my past? Am I still 13? Unfortunately, that was my reality. A sugar mummy like me, still collecting money for snacks and whatever, everyday. And then came the End SARS movement, that was the straw that broke the Carmel’s back. I was very livid about the whole situation, it got me feeling helpless, coupled with the helplessness from the uncertainties the future holds. I love to be in control of my life, but Covid-19, Nigerian government and leaders, and ASUU said, ‘Not this year, madam I-love-to-be-in-control.’

A whole lot of terrible things happened (there were good things too, no doubt), I can’t even list them all. Luckily, I’ve been blessed with the gift of happiness and contentment. Despite all the setbacks and chaos, I chose to be happy and not be weighed down. Though I let myself feel other emotions that isn’t related to happiness, I always found room for happiness. I always found a reason to smile— the radiant moon, dressed in her glamorous golden robe, with silver linings; people that genuinely love me and constantly remind me, with their actions; my fine ass low maintenace hair and skin; the wild but charmingly clothed flowers; my goofiness; my oxygen, my mother; my sweet siblings, and family, generally. These are just some, out of many reasons I had, to smile. Twendy twendy wanted me to drown in misery, but little did it know that I’m garri, I can’t be drowned, I’ll only rise to become bigger.

Now, I’m lying in my bed, writing this, in the year world people say is 2021, with no resolutions or expectations. After all, Coloma is still very much around, and we still have the same government. While I do not have expectations, I can only hope that this year is better and that God heals those that were wounded or scarred in twendy twendy.

We breathe in positivity here, no bad vibes or energy. Amen? Cheers to soaring above all negativity.

Is this the point where I wish you, my very dear reader, a happy new year, not minding that we’re in the second week already? Anyway, tell me, do you have expectations for 2021? I want to hear it all.