“Forgive and forget” is a very common phrase used among Nigerians, especially the religious ones. From being a little girl to being the young woman I am now, I’ve heard different opinions and explanations, but I’m yet to hear or see one who has same opinion as I, on the matter. If I have, I do not recollect.
Here’s what I think;
We have memories for different reasons, one of them being; to guide our future decisions. If we keep on forgiving and literally forgetting every sin against us, we’d never learn from our past mistakes, and will keep repeating the mistake of letting people step on our necks.
In the context used, I believe “forget” simply means “Dude, if you want to live long and have good skin and healthy hair, let go of the anger and bad energy this person’s offence caused you. Let go of the malicious feeling and be assured unlimited supply of uncontaminated oxygen.” And not “Dude, press delete and erase every memory of this person pissing in your mouth. Open your mouth again to be pissed in. Rinse and repeat.”
Imagine a life where everyone forgets the sins against them, there would be no tales to tell, and no moral lessons to learn from. The rate of ruined lives would be drastically high. No, I don’t like this picture I’m seeing.
So you know what I say? Forgive, forget to be angry, for your peace of mind (only if it matters to you. If not, you may stay angry), but do not forget the lesson(s) learnt. Once bitten, twice shy. Right? If you forgive and wipe off the memory, how would you know you’ve been once bitten?
Also, I don’t think you can say you’ve truly forgiven, without forgetting the bad energy. Personally, I can only say I’ve forgiven you when I see you or think of you, and I don’t think evil or feel anger towards you. I most likely wouldn’t remember your offence(s) immediately, without being reminded. And if I do, there’d be no malicious feeling or anger felt. Me remembering, would only keep me alert, to not give you a chance to bite me again.
Luckily, forgiveness comes very easily from me. In fact, I think I forgive way too easily, without making the offenders earn it, and sometimes, I wonder if it is a bad thing. But my good skin and healthy hair kicks me out of my doubts. If you’ve ever wondered what my skin and hair secret is; you’ve gotten a cheat, and you’re welcome.
What is your interpretation of the saying, ” forgive and forget”?
Please, let me know your thoughts. I’m eager to know.
For me I used to believe in forgive and forget and I wondered why people don’t practice it until I discovered we actually don’t forget anything. If the brain considers it important it keeps it there that’s why we still have the same emotion as regards the event. But as you rightly said if you want to live long you let go but you don’t make the mistake of trusting the same person anyhow if not you will fall into that pit multiple times.
I would rather say forgive, take a chill pill, take a walk and Learn see where you made a mistake (where you were outsmarted) and move on (never making the same mistake again). Nice one Sonia
Thank you, Samuel.
Hmmm. I don’t think I forgive easily anyway. It’s part of my temperament. But I’m learning to forgive easily these days.
Forgetting is quite complex though. Like how do you feel when that memory is triggered? It’s not an easy thing to just forget like that but you know what they say, with time, you’ll forget.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It’s okay to not be able to forgive easily. Variety, they say, is the spice of life. We all can’t have the same temperament. How you manage it is what matters.
There are some things you can do to me that I can let go of and even forget. But we have some that ehnnn if I am forgiving you it is because Jesus touched my heart and if I do sef I can’t forget.
😂I’d have to pray fervently, if I ever offend you, so Jesus would touch your heart.
Lemme just preach forgive! It’s difficult to forget especially when it involves a scar or a crazy memory!
Forgive and forget? I have been getting randomized thoughts recently about that. From how fellow humans are prone to hurt you (other living things might hurt you or inanimate things but to think of humans, people you so much trust, it is heart-wrenching).
I’m beginning to think heavily on “trust” in its entirety. Why should we give in so easily to others, to hold them tightly, lovely, wholly; and only for a split second you discover your trust in them isn’t worth it a tiny bit you give them.
Why should I forget then? Of a person who feeds wickedly on my secrets and weakness. Of a person that makes you know that trust shouldn’t be given out so easily.
I can forgive them. I can’t go closer as when the relationship was initiated. They aren’t worth it that is; it means I can’t forget.
I still have this problem. Getting bitten twice. Can you help me get out of it?
Wow. I felt your emotions. You said you can forgive, and forgiving is enough, keeping your distance after forgiving is just fine. I don’t think it’s a problem. It’s just you avoiding history from repeating itself. It’s nothing to get out of.
Apt! Same goes for me. In forgetting, I let go, for my own peace and then I forgive for that person’s sake and mine but still one thing remains; ‘once bitten, twice shy’.
For me, it’s not possible to literally forget after forgiving, I mean forgiveness doesn’t come with amnesia. However, forgive and forget to me means- letting go and no feeling in a getting that bad vibe whenever you remember a person’s offence.
Thank you! Lol. We can’t be having by-force amnesia all in the name of forgetting na.
Beautiful writeup as usual Sonia👏💯
Forgiveness for me is more or less a norm. Sometimes I even kick myself for it, that I may be taken for granted if I keep forgiving so easily.
I won’t really say the same about ‘forgetting’ cuz the brain isn’t exactly a memory card that can be formatted, except for extreme cases of amnesia and the likes. But I definitely don’t hold any grudge against people I’ve forgived.
I believe forgiving(especially when considering serious offences) can be very very hard; it’s divine if you ask me.
I can say I forgive really easily cuz I’ve never been hurt ‘badly’. And I pray that day doesn’t come😄
Thank you, Daniel. You’ve spoken well.