In past years, my favourite quote had always been and still is “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. You’re probably wondering right now, of all quotes, it had to be this? Yes, it had to be that. In my twenty something years of existence, I’d say I’ve been judged wrongly at least twelve years out of the twenty something years by people most of whom barely knew my name. Does my choice of favourite quote now make sense to you? If it doesn’t, I’m sorry, I can’t help you further.
“They say don’t judge a book by its cover and I say maybe you should. People should work on their covers. There’s so much to do in this world, we cannot be going around reading every book” . I saw this somewhere on social media and didn’t know what to think for a moment. From my own point of view, here’s what I truly think…
As a result of being too judged quickly without a chance of letting my true self be known, I’ve grown to be sensitive towards people, understand them, give them space to exhibit who they really are and not nail them for not being me. You can imagine someone spreading news that you are very arrogant and proud at every slight chance s/he gets and keeps repeating this to every soul that cares to listen. Eventually, the gist gets to you after a while of being left to wonder why you’ve been getting cold reception from people who used to be nice to you or were indifferent about your existence . You get the courage to confront the originator of the gist, asking him or her for reasons for such action and you get this; ” You walk like you built or own this place” or ” You don’t talk to people. You keep to yourself a lot , acting like every other person is beneath you“. How ridiculous did that sound reading it? This is coming from someone who hasn’t even made an attempt to have a conversation with you. It makes me wonder if some people are unaware or just choose to ignore the fact that loners, introverts, reserved and shy people do exist.
I’ve heard this statement countless of times, ” Before I got close to you, I thought you were a very proud person” . I must confess, I’ve made such statements too, maybe not the same but similar. I got to a point where not being tagged as proud became abnormal to me, I started to look forward to being called a proud girl, lol. Weird, huh? Let’s just say I found a defense mechanism against thrash or I grew a tough skin to negative comments cos I knew they were wrong. It didn’t matter cos I knew me better. It would only matter if it comes from people that matter. Punchline, yeah? Haha. Let’s get this straight, pride is not the only assumption people make about others, it’s just one of, if not the most prominent, which is why I’m hitting on it.
Let’s talk about dressing, another basis of judgement . If our crimes were to be judged by our dressing, I think a lot of good guys would have been long sentenced. A girl who loves to wear shorts, I mean short outfits cos she feels more comfortable or confident in them is mostly tagged as a spoilt good. You’ll hear comments like, “That one na pikin? E don spoil finish. Na man e dey follow upandan” lol. The kind of conviction with which people say these things will leave you with no doubt that the accused is guilty as charged. Funny thing is, they may never have seen the innocent girl with any man. Same goes for the boys, a boy who weaves his hair or locks it, is definitely in a gang of robbers or cultists. A lady or young man that wears ribbed jeans is very irresponsible, God forbid that their innocent children be seen in such corrupt company . I laugh in pity when I think of these things. I live in a society where people are two faced and live double standard lives. A society where a man or woman who claims to be a Christian, goes to church, sunshine or rainfall and yet is less Christ-like than the man who doesn’t believe in the existence of God. Alright, let me not go religious on y’all.
Dear madam righteous, Did you know that your favourite girl, the one who wears dresses that sweeps the floor behind her, covers her body so well, that her complexion would have been forgotten if not for her face, the only exposed part… What was I saying again sef? Yes! Did you know she’s gotten intimate with at least three of your sons and virtually knows all the sex positions at seventeen. While your crucified sinner, the one who wears everything tight and short is yet to have her first kiss at twenty one?
Oga holy, you too. That your model boy who lives opposite your house, always neatly dressed in well ironed shirts tucked into well gatored pants, wearing shoes well polished enough to show ones reflection and wears a neatly cut hair on his head. Do you know how many of your daughter’s he has lain with? Do you know how many future leaders he has terminated before they had a chance to even form? Did you also know that that abomination of a child who has a tattoo and keeps a head full of hair has never stolen and has been very loyal to his girlfriend of two years? A-ha, I forgot to mention that your model boy, is the rascal that robbed you of your latest android phone the other night.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s okay not to dress modestly. Being modest is very good, I love modest people and encourage it. My point is, don’t be too fast in making conclusions about a person just by mere dressing. Take your time to interact first if you get the chance to and make your observations. Did you note that I said observations and not conclusions?
There are lots of stories to tell about people who have been wrongly judged by mere appearance, sound, countenance and sometimes a moment of weakness . There are times I almost get carried away to make conclusions about people without really knowing them but I call myself back cos I’ve been there, I’m still there and I’m probably never gonna leave. Whether or not we like it, we’ll always be judged. Sad truth.
What do you think about books and theirs covers? Drop your comments, let’s talk.
I remember while growing up as a child, I was a very very very shy kid, I’m not even sure I had friends just cos of that even in school and pple concluded all the time that I was a weakling and not a smart kid, I remember a particular time, a friend to one of my parents suggested taking me to a child therapist 😂, it’s so funny now I choose to think about it but something happened, you can call it one of days I won’t forget in my entire life, there’s this society I used to belong to in church who ‘moulds and brings up children’ and i can’t count the number of times I walked home crying after meetings cos of how much I was looked down on to the extent that i had ‘cold’ attached to my name just cos I heard a namesake in the same society, so to differentiate, they called me ‘ify cold’😂, back to my story, there was this debate coming up, it was considered a big debate and lots of prizes to be won, it was an inter-zonal debate, and my society was a zone competing with other zones in other branches, and I remember walking up to our coordinator telling her I want to represent the zone and I won’t forget the expression on her face 😂, I mean, they had so many brilliant and outspoken kid to do them proud and here I was talking ‘rubbish’ but I begged, I still can’t understand why little iffy was determined to the extent of me telling her to plz allow me present my points, and if they found it smart enough, another kid would debate on my points, I didn’t mind not being the debator, and I’ve always thought the only reason why she allowed me that day was cos she was very surprised I was asking, she was surprised I could even walk up to anybody, so I got home, without even eating, with so much joy I picked up my pen and paper and jotted points down by myself anxiously awaiting the next day, how I slept that night, I can’t remember 😂 and it came eventually and I presented my points, at the long run, mine was chosen as the best and every body was perplexed and surprisingly they told me I’ll be the to present my points myself and not the way I suggested, well, I was very nervous I must confess, I’ve never been given such an audience, the D-Day came and let’s just say I did my best, though I remember clearly how the microphone vibrated in my hands as I lashed out my points and guess what, ‘we came 1st’😊, the reason why it’s a day I would never forget it’s cos I remember just as the result were announced and I heard the thunderous clapping, I sat on my sit proudly, ‘with my head high’😂 and tears falling down and fixing my gaze on the audience esp where my other members sat observing the joy in each of their eyes just cos of my pronounced victory and the way all of them came at me like they were ready to worhip my feet 😂, even as I write this, I still feel the joy of proving every body wrong that day.
Till today I’m still very much an introvert, the only diff is then, I was a child trying to understand why I was looked down on and ready to please everyone just to redeem myself but now I’m a strong introverted woman who has found how best to understand herself and everyone around her and in doing that ‘everyone craves my vibe’ so therefore ‘i’m a popular loner’😌. Thanks dear author🌹
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Wow, your story is a very interesting one. Thanks miss popular loner, I think you just gave me an idea 😉.
Why is your head so correct like this?
Well done!
It’s nice reading this.
Welldone Sonia
Thank you Paul 😊.
Great write-up
But I think I’ll go with “They say don’t judge a book by its cover and I say maybe you should. People should work on their covers. There’s so much to do in this world, we cannot be going around reading every book”
I’ve read many dumb books with great covers and titles, and the only reason I finished them is because I spent my money on them before realizing my mistake.
I think we need to work on the first impression we send out to people because most times we don’t get a second chance.
Likewise, “… that abomination of a child who has a tattoo and keeps a head full of hair” will get into trouble with FSARS at first sight before they realise he’s not a G-guy.
Inasmuch as we shouldn’t judge people before getting to know them, we should present ourselves in ways that won’t make us miss opportunities or get us into trouble when dealing with people who don’t have the time to know us.
I’m a grade A introvert, but I don’t worry about people judging me anymore, I’ve learnt that you see people the way you are, you see someone as proud because there’s an element of pride in you.
I’ll drop my pen for now
Thanks for the write up, really great
Lol, points well taken . Thanks for your contribution Patrick.
A nice piece, and an oft repeated one. One wonders though why its still so easy to judge people despite realizing a thousand and one times that we have been wrong in our assessment of others.
That’s where the jugular comes in. most times after reading such write-ups as this, the bulk of argument centres on how many people who appear “bad” but are actually “good”; and others who wear a garb of ” goodness” but are “killers”; are all misjudged simply cos of how they appear. I woufld like to point out a mixup in such arguments.
1.) A Moral decadence: the very principle of not judging others is first and foremost a matter of morality. So, irrespective of the lives people lead, under the veil of their appearance, we must always remember that we must never judge and that, simply because we are so limited in our perception of reality. And Jesus said: ” do not judge and you shall not be judged”.
2.) Now, given the sad state of society, I become visibly irritated when I hear such arguments as “the person wey wia bum short fit to Neva even do anytin sef”. give me a break! still on the thread of morality, we are meant to condemn immoral acts wherever we see them. Such a one who wears indecent outfits must expect some tongue lashing, whether s/he is ” good” inside or not. In as much as we remember the axiom “don’t judge a book by its cover”, we must also remember this too ” dress the way you want to be addressed”. Infact I must say that those who use decent dressing to cover up their evil deeds have only tapped into the wisdom behind that latter axiom.
3.) Rash Judgment is a Sin by all standards. it must be said that the root of evil is simply distortion of moral principles. contemporary folks do not like the very mention of the word “sin”. They immediately see you as a religious zealot. the moment we stop judging moral misnomers with natural principles instead of supernatural ones, only then we begin to cure the ills eating away our society.
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