Boys Will Be Boys

It’s been nearly a week now since I decided to go back to facebook. I must confess that it felt like I was thrown into the future cos there were a lot of new features I wasn’t familiar with. One of them was the facebook stories feature. I was like “mad o!” this same facebook naa, where I used to be the queen of uploads. It really did feel awkward. I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I was hoping Mark and the whole world would stand still just because a sweet baby girl like me decided to take an indefinite leave off facebook. You can imagine my level disappointment and shock when I realized they moved on without me.

On this day, just after confirming the link to my last write-up from this blog was successfully shared, I noticed some of my friends had uploaded some facebook stories and I decided to go through a few. One of the viewed contents is what spurred this rant I’m about to start; “Boys will be boys.”

I shake my head in Zulu and hiss in Swahili. Of course, boys will be boys, potatoes will be potatoes and girls will be girls, except an alteration like sexual reassignment surgery or genetic modification occurs. But in the long run, boys will eventually become men, potatoes will graduate to chips and girls will grow into women. While this is true for most, some won’t be so fortunate, as some boys will forever be boys, some girls will remain girls, and some potatoes will never fulfil their destiny of becoming chips. This may not make sense now but I’ll advise you to “think abourrit.”

It would be too much of a lie to claim to not know that the popular saying that boys will be boys isn’t referring to the anatomy of boys but is in fact, an excuse for their bad behaviour and ill manners. Before you conclude this is from a view point of a feminist, I’d advise that you chill fess, take a deep breath, and if you have a cup of chilled water beside you, have some gulps.

Now, It may interest you to know that I had this mindset, long before I knew such a thing as “feminism” existed. This is just a matter of common sense which is unfortunately not as common as it implies. Or maybe common sense really is common, maybe it is just application sense that is scarce. Oh now, that’s confusing. I didn’t start out to write about common sense, so let’s leave the mystery of common sense for another day. So so so, I’m sorry but not sorry to disappoint you, this rant isn’t some feminism “shit.”

Now, here are some of the bad characters our subject of discussion is used to excuse;

-Brashness;

It is okay to be rowdy and be a dedicated noisemaker, just make sure you’re a boy to be qualified for the free pass. Feel free to make raunchy remarks and distasteful comments to people, especially, girls. Boys will always be boys, so it’s allowed. You don’t need to learn to be polished and composed. After all, who gentleman epp?

-Cheating;

It is a well established fact that men are polygamous in nature. This has been backed up with the scientific fact of cheating being a dominant trait on the Y-chromosome. So, yes, it makes perfect sense that a man would still cheat after swearing before God and man to stick to one woman till death do them part. I really do not know why this scientific fact wasn’t considered when the marriage vow was constituted. Any boy that has just one girlfriend with no side dressings is in fact a shame to manhood. I’m very sure such boy wasn’t fully formed before birth.

-Recklessness;

Oh. This one na normal thing na. Boys should be thoughtless, be wild, just do anyhow. Cos you know why? Cos that’s how stars do! Star boys precisely. Any boy that is thoughtful and careful must have been a failed attempt at creating a girl.

-Poor hygiene/ poor housekeeping;

I heard that heaven will fall if by accident or by will, a man wakes up, sorry, I mean a boy wakes up and decides to clean his room, wash his bathroom, tidy his kitchen, and change his bed sheet; in short, if he decides to generally clean his immediate environment. I can’t be the only one to have heard of this, or am I? I also heard that in worse cases, the mere thought of trying it may leave him immediately paralyzed, before heaven eventually falls. Hian! God forbid that a calamity such as heaven falling apart befalls us.

-Voraciousness;

Wait ooo. Hollup. You mean you are a boy and you can’t consume five cups of rice without leaving a grain behind to tell the story? You call yourself a man with your whole chest, and you can’t finish ordinary four packs of hungry man Indomie noodles? Do you even have chest? What kind of man can’t finish seven mighty wraps of fufu? Ehn? Tell me. Are you sure you’re even a man? Come, I think we need to check beneath your pants to confirm something.

Why would any reasonable human even have the heart to be angry at a young, handsome, and agile man for just consuming a whole pot of party jellof and being considerate enough to leave the bottom pot for the neighbour’s dog, Lucky, because he didn’t know the five other occupants had not eaten? Really, why would anyone be offended ? I honestly don’t understand some humans sha. After all, the young man was only performing his basic duty of being a boy. Abi?

On a real though, I believe it’s high time we stopped encouraging what is wrong. We need to stop making excuses. We need to teach our young boys and girls to know good from bad and to be able to separate them, and not make bad become good simply because society says it doesn’t matter. Saying “boys will be boys,” will only continue to do more harm to the boy child because his brain has been conditioned to accept some wrongs as normal. Girls also exhibit some of the listed traits, but I don’t get to hear “girls will be girls.” This implies that, bad behaviour is associated more with boys and should remain so. This, I find quite belittling to boys, and I think boys deserve more credit. They deserve better.

Dear boys aspiring to be real men, I think you should know that a real man would never disrespect his woman by cheating on her. A real man is cultured and wouldn’t disrespect others by being uncouth. As a real man, It is perfectly okay and normal to take care of yourself; pay attention to your skin, moisturize it regularly. Care for your hair, including the ones on your face and armpit. At least use pafum once in a while just to smell nice, if you won’t use perfume. Keep your nails clean, always.

A few more tips to greatness; pick up that broom, sweep your room, arrange your things. It’s been four weeks now, and the poor soul of your bed sheet crying to be changed still hasn’t peirced your heart. Unku, I beg, please don’t wait till hanty’s next visit before you sweep and change your sheets, do it now. Hmm, something just whispered to me that you’ve been wearing a boxer for over four days now without it being washed. Is this true? I honestly do not blame you if this happens to be true, I blame those who lied to you that it is a boy thing to be untidy. Now that you know the truth, please repent, and change your underwear as regularly as regular can be.

I’m not yet done. I care about you too much to be done just like that. Try to not wait for your plates and utensils to become a resting place and cementry for flies and roaches, and don’t wait to run out of clean plates before you drag yourself to wash and clean your kitchen. Don’t forget to take out your thrash regularly too. You don’t want neighbours suspecting you have a corpse hidden somewhere in your apartment, right? If you’re a girl and you have some of these bad habits, this advice to greatness is for you too. Don’t look away.

As much as I’d love to give you more tips to greatness and to being a real man; I’d stop here, to give room to the real men since I’m not one, to those who have attained this level of greatness and to every knowledgeable person to give their two cents on this. What do you think about “boys being boys.”?

Please, drop your comments. I’m eager to know what you think, and don’t forget to like and share.