Part One: Dear Young Girl

I see it. I feel it. The pressure to be like certain people you think are the standard. 

You want to think and act like them in certain situations. You want to emulate their style and even their personality. You forget they were once youths. You forget they were once foolish and probably wild.

You forget you’re in your 20s. You forget you’ll never be twenty again. You don’t want to look back and wish you had done things differently, right?

You are just eighteen or maybe a teen, but you want to be Chimamanda so bad because you admire her poise and eloquence. Don’t you think she was once a teen and eighteen too? Don’t you think she’d advise you to live in the moment? I don’t know, but I think she would.

You want to be ‘decent’ like Madam Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala and cover up in the queen’s suits and hats. You want to be swallowed up in a skirt and blouse big enough to accommodate three and start tying the signature scarf, too, just because you think that’s the only way to greatness.

May I ask what decency is to you? 

Do you realise Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala was a teen and eighteen like you? She once wore skimpies, and she let the wind raise her dress a little higher, too, don’t you think?

Anyway, I do not know about these women enough to speak for them. They haven’t bared their soul to me like mama Maya did. You know Maya Angelou, right?

Here’s what she’d say to you: “Darling, you are eighteen and young. You are twenty and wild. Go get life. Make those mistakes. Be foolish now that you can afford to. Cos foolishness in your teens and twenties is easily pardonable. Live your truth.” How do I know this? I am her daughter, and she wrote me a letter just as I’m writing you this.

Wear that dress. Be impulsive if you want. You might decide to take it a notch higher and get a child out of wedlock (just kidding. We do not recommend).

You will never be her. So just stick to you. You know how to do “you” best. Breathe in. Breathe out. Don’t be hard on yourself. Your role models have walked this same path. They’ve made unwise decisions. They’ve also had things slow at some point in their lives. They didn’t always win in life. So enjoy the moment, darling. Enjoy your youth. Trust God. Trust the process.

Part Two: Let’s Call This an Epilogue

I felt the strong urge to write this when I was browsing the internet and realised a lot of young girls are trying so hard to be their role models that they forget to be young and be themselves.

They want to emulate established public figures in entertainment and their lifestyle. They forget that these people started with okrika and mismatched fashion before they could afford the luxury they own now. They forget that these people have had moments of wanting to figure out who they really were and what they wanted.

This is not to mislead people to be ‘immoral,’ constantly make bad decisions, or anything like that. This is me saying, ask yourself, “Do I want this?” This is me saying, It’s okay to make a few bad or unsure decisions.

Bimpe, are you really against ashewo dresses because it’s not your thing? Or is it because you do not have the courage to deal with the judging eyes of your neighbours whose morally-upright daughter does things even darkness cannot speak of? Let me guess; it is because your 73-year-old idol doesn’t wear them. 

Role models are good, but in the process of imbibing some traits you consider positive or attractive, do not lose yourself. 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to wear a robe permanently. With not attending parties or reading books. No, there’s nothing wrong with not doing what people think is popular. I’m just checking with you to see if it’s what you really want and you not doing it out of fear of X.

Keep a bare face if you wish. Oh, you prefer to always wear make-up? Then what’s stopping you? Tight and short clothes make you uncomfortable? Then why do you wear them, Bimpe? Is it the pressure that is getting wersser? 

Dear young girl, do things at your pace. If you dislike drinking or wearing accessories, stand your ground. Don’t let anyone make you feel like an outcast. Whatever you do, do it because it is what you want. Do it with your full chest, it doesn’t matter if it is big or small. 

Dear Bimpe, live! The world will definitely adjust; so far, your actions do not endanger your life and that of others. And if the world refuses to adjust, I hope they have enough needles and thread to keep mending their clothes to fit due to undesired weight loss.