No Coincidences Here: Que Sera, Sera

It’s the morning of my birthday, and I’m happy. This is the first in a very long time. It is my first anxiety-free birthday since my 18th, and it is such a beautiful feeling. In the past, my anxiety would have started in the last week of June and heightened until the very day. I never really enjoyed my birthdays until towards the end of the day, when I’m overwhelmed with so much love and something has entered my bank account from my sponsors.

The gist is that I was very much looking forward to this day, but something almost stole my joy last night; a simple Instagram notification from my successor as Head Girl in secondary school. It said, “The President of the Old Girls Association asked for your contact details as the HG of the 2013 set, and I sent her your IG details.” My heart staggered for a bit, and I laughed out loud after it found balance. The message almost made me feel like a failure. Why? I’ll tell you.

Here’s why; head girls are known to do great things after secondary school, and they’re hardly ever mediocre in life. I heard tales of my predecessors and how well they were doing. My confidence that I’d do even greater things was over 100. I was pretty sure I’d be a big thing, and I looked forward to it. In fact, I could not wait to attend our 60th anniversary as an old girl. Even more excitedly, I couldn’t wait for our ten-year reunion. I couldn’t wait to return as an old girl to give a speech and motivate young girls on the same stage where I made announcements as head girl. The “proud head girl.”

I thought I’d be very involved in activism, volunteering, supporting NGOs, and all that. That was me. That was my kind of thing—being a spokesperson and standing up for and using my voice for a cause I believe in. It explains why I am very drawn to people who walk that path. I’m laughing at myself as I write because that girl left me somewhere along the line. Maybe left is not the right word; went into a coma is more like it.

I clock a new age today, and it’s been ten years since I logged out of secondary school as an overly confident girl. I really liked school before it humbled me. I loved education and looked forward to getting a PhD. In my plan for my future, this was the age I targeted to get my PhD. Guess what. Instead of a PhD, I’m just getting my BSc. Sad, no? Right. Very sad.

So yeah, when I got that message, it sort of dampened my high spirits, but not for long. In fact, the plan was to pretend I never got the message and ignore it for as long as possible, but then, I am Ekata. The confrontational one who likes being accountable. So I responded because I no kill person, na just blow I never blow. I still dey alive, so I go still blow, my blowing acceleration just slow. That’s it. It’s funny that I’m now excited about and looking forward to whatever they need me for; if it’s only my service I can contribute, I’ll give it a 110% as usual.

Anyway, I’m grateful for an anxiety-free birthday. I’m thankful for the events before this day. Last year was my most carefree year. I sort of threw morals under the bed. I excitedly made what my moral self would call “bad decisions” and often chose not to be sensible or correct. So far, I do not regret any of my actions. I must say that not being uptight and sensible is a tough task for one who is used to making sensible or near-perfect decisions. I am happy. I have my moments too, but I’m mostly happy. Life hasn’t been perfect or great, but my creator has been faithful. Life keeps getting better.

My previous chapter helped me discover that I enjoy being gifted without asking for it. Why did it take me so long? It’s because I have finally reduced my rate of “don’t worry.” So I’m including “receiving gifts” in my love languages. Why do I even have to choose? Henceforth, I understand all love languages. If I have to delete one, it might be physical touch. I’m learning to be a fan. I’ve been working on that lately. So watch out for my next “birthday report.”

I must say that, like wine, I age beautifully, and I mean physical beauty. The older I get, the more beautiful I become. I’m amazed by it. As for wisdom, I don’t really know. I still insist I was much wiser as a teenager (don’t give me that look; I’m being serious, though sometimes I doubt that I really believe this. I sound confused, right? Yeah. Typical me).

If you read my last birthday reflection, one of my prayers was to experience two-sided love. To not just be loved but to love in return with as much intensity. I think being able to completely fall in love and allow yourself to soak in it is an underestimated gift. Well, I guess my prayers got answered earlier this year, but I think I should have been more specific (inserts “we found love in a hopeless place” as background music). So I’m going to revisit that prayer point and wait for God to do his thing.

Because I’m not trying to write a long essay like the last time, I’ll wrap things up soon because if I really express myself as I’d love to, the scrolling might seem unending. I’m thankful for the last chapter. It only gets better from here. To the one who never leaves me stranded and has consistently shown me soft love, thank you.

If you’re wondering what the relationship between the title and the content of my post is, you may stop wondering now. It’s just my favourite saying from my last chapter. It looks like I’ll be taking it with me and sticking with it in this new chapter because how else will I continue making “bad decisions” with my full chest? So if you need motivation to make those not-so-good life choices, remember, “There are no coincidences in life.” Maybe you are meant to make those mistakes.

Finally, I wish myself a very happy birthday. I’m on a journey of self-discovery; I pray for clarity and discernment. I pray to always have the ability to hear God when he speaks to me. When I make mistakes, I pray they do not scar me but mould me instead. I pray for immense growth physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. And may my Chi always be in agreement with me.

Of course, I cannot end this without wishing my Ojorane a happy heavenly birthday and my Sistuuurrh, the branding queen, a happy birthday. I’m blessed to have met and experienced them.

Cheers to the good, bad, beautiful, and ugly! But more to the good and beautiful.