“Next year babe, but I actually wan resume, so I go fit dey hug you after mass 😩😩.”
Those were my guy, Gbenga’s words to me on a Sunday morning. The plan was to have the message put up on bill boards and sign boards, just to let the world know someone misses my healing hug; probably my biggest achievement in years. Well, I changed my mind and decided against it, cos you know what they say about pride. I don’t want to end up like the president’s daughter; a character in one of the many children literature books my mother got me as a child.
Instead of broadcasting, I decided to do some reflection, on how I transitioned from being an anti-hug and anti-handshake person, to being one who’d always reach out for a hug in greeting. This is one of the things I actually miss about my church on campus.
Before University, I was one who avoided hugs. I’d only hug those who I considered special. Explaining to people why I’d rather make out with the wild wind than hug them was stressful, cos humans usually aren’t satisfied with the “because I don’t want to” answer.
The major reasons I avoided hugs are;
- I was not a preacher of love.
I didn’t like any form of public display of affection(PDA). I didn’t even know how to show my excitement when I saw people I missed after a long time. I still don’t know how to. Hugging, just felt like a very socially awkward thing to do.
- I was suffering, and still suffer from Obsessive compulsive disorder(OCD).
I was overly conscious of my appearance, especially in my school uniform which was a white shirt and green skirt, and any white cloth at all. A crease on my perfectly ironed and glossy skirt would ruin my mood for the whole day. It mattered a lot to me, to the extent that I mastered the art of sitting, without a crease appearing on my skirt. I could go a week without ironing my skirt (only when power holding company decides to hold power), and there’d be no crease at all. What about my white shirt? Oh lord! Mistakenly get me stained, and see hell let loose. So you see? I wasn’t willing to risk my immaculate look for a hug that probably wasn’t even genuine. For the few times I hugged, my eyes would immediately look in the direction of where the hugger’s hands or face rested; it was a reflex action for me. Put the blame on OCD.
On days when I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid hugs, like days when there’d be an announcement of a win or some sort of commendation, I’d wear my green woven sweater over my white shirt. It didn’t matter if hell’s gate was left ajar. What’s shedding a few buckets of body fluid for a sparkling white shirt? Nothing!
As for handshakes, I think I was more anti-handshake than anti-hug. This is cos I have trust issues. I mean, I don’t know where your hands have been, but I know for sure that some are allergic to water. So, shaking hands anyhow was very risky, I wasn’t willing to put my sanity at risk. I was already comfortable with the “proud” and “snob” tag. A few more meant nothing. I had just few people I could trust, people who took hygiene quite seriously; the only ones I could comfortably shake, without putting my sanity at risk.
Fast forward to years later, I’d exchange hugs and handshakes with about almost half of the school’s population. Just imagine! Let me tell you my little secret, I enjoy the hugs, especially when the person being hugged smells nice; very calming…don’t tell anyone I said this, it’s a secret.
As for the shakes, hmmmm. It wasn’t so bad, since I have a habit of always washing my hands, until one day! Hmmm! A very terrible day. My innocent eyes saw terrible things.
I was jejely walking to God-knows-where from a lecture hall, when I saw this dude (most likely an Awo hall guy) blowing his nose furiously and with reckless abandon, with his bare hand. In my mind, I was praying he’d miraculously bring out some water, from I-don’t-care-where, to wash his hands. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. All I could do was cringe and make a disgusted face. Guess what happened few seconds later… This guy used this same desecrated hand to shake an unsuspecting friend. It wasn’t a light shake, fam! At that point, my soul must have left my body for a split second, I just simply could not can.
I started to have flashbacks of all the people I’d exchanged handshakes with, from birth to that very moment. It was a traumatizing experience for me. I got back to my room and washed my hands like I was trying to wash away the sins of the whole world. Just so you know, I noticed the world became a better place, hours after my cleansing ritual. I guess ‘Lamb of God II” would be a befitting name for me.
I had another tragic experience, and I’m not about to go into details. Now, almost every time a male stretches his hand for a shake, I can’t help but wonder if he washed his hands after guiding his little man to pass out some unwanted fluid. You can put the blame on men who don’t wash their hands after using the restroom. Thank you!
I’m already exhausted from thinking of the many unsacred hands we get to shake everyday.
I haven’t stopped shaking people sha. You know why? Cos In 2019, my mentor, Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti, said, and I quote; “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”
How do you feel about hugs and handshakes? Kindly share your thoughts.
lol, this got me laughing for most of the time sha. All the big grammar because you wan talk say you dey self conscious.
Abegiiii person get enough worries than to dey reason where another person hand don reach (before Corona sha). Na to dey waka with sanitiser .
Nice one Sonia
😂😂😂
IKR, but who remembers a sanitizer when there’s no epidemic or pandemic? Some of us just can’t help over thinking things.
Thank you.
I am still hoping I would heal from the fact that I usually hide my excitement when I see someone I haven’t seen a while, I’m too shy to hug my babe in public, but you see guys? I shake hug and hug shake not minding anything!
Lol , I really don’t do so much of hugs when I’m in white or best dressed moments
😂😂😂😂
I don’t think you need to heal from hiding your excitement. We just have different ways of expressing how we feel. We all can’t be the same.
You are an amazing storyteller 🙌🏾
Thank you Bobby. This means a lot to me.
I love hugs…especially those comforting ones that are like ” hey I am there for you”…. Well I shake everyone except I don’t like your outward appearance and I don’t just want to.
😂😂😂
The not liking one’s outward appearance got me.
I guess we all are like Olaf, we love warm and comforting hugs.
Funny how hugs are more hygienic than handshakes yet more.
Anyway, personally, most times I naturally don’t go for either unless I notice what the person is going for (or nothing). I can’t coman be embarrassing myself with awkward situations.
😂 IKR. Nobody likes to get curved, especially with spectators.
😂😂😂Fr, can’t wait for school to resume, I miss all you said particularly the after mass part.
You are an amazing storyteller ❤️💕
🙈❤
Thank you, Chioma.
I actually prefer handshakes to hugs tho. Maybe because handshakes seems to be more official & can be used on anyone(you can’t go about hugging everybody, lol).
I hated hugging when a friend back in my sec school days pasted a note written “pls slap me” on my back & he did this through hugging me. Lol, I almost ran mad that day. Jezz, pls don’t remind me of such awful horrors.
Lol, but hugging is cool tho, but handshake is still bae regardless of where the hands are coming from.
Lastly, kudos Sonia, I adore talented writers like you. This was a really fantastic one. Weldone !!!
LOL at “regardless of where the hands are coming from.”
Thank you John❤, for the compliment, and for sharing your thoughts.
Lmao 😂😂 😂
Me, I thought I was the only one that hides my excitement after meeting someone in a long time. Thank God we’re plenty. Lol.
I don’t do hugs unless I’m already comfortable with you. I feel shaking is awkward as well, unless it’s a “must”.
Lol! Nice to meet you, twinnie.
I forgot to add, nice one Sonia. 🤗
Thank you ❤.
I had a good laugh throughout this read.
I’d just pause and say to myself ‘this my sister doesn’t have sense’ 🤣🤣🤣.
You’re doing well my shild.
I pray you don’t have any more traumatizing encounters.
Beautiful write up 🥰🥵
😂😂😂😂 We all can’t have sense.
Thank you, sister ❤. And Amen to that important prayer.
I thought I was the only weird one at showing “bottled up” feelings of missing someone at after-a-long-time meeting, it’s consoling.😂 As for my close friends, I love hugging them, so refreshing and hand shakes, I consider them a general affection/greeting. I’ve never been so conscious of the hygiene parts.🙃
Lol. Good for you. Trust me, being overly conscious of hygiene isn’t a very pleasant thing.
I can totally relate with the OCD issue, hugging was an almost impossible thing for me to do in secondary school
This is super interesting and educating…..the fact that I tagged my name as “Anonymous Giant” just means am a shy introvert that doesn’t want his/her comment to undergo any form of scrutiny. My thoughts on hugs and handshake isn’t hygiene related, factually I am indifferent to it, I’m not going to hold my breath because you didn’t hug or shake me, the only problem is that I so conscious of this act that 95% of the times I hug/shake the opposite sex, it must have been engaged by the other person, the other person must make the first move. Sorry this comment is too long and it ended abruptly.
P.S The abridged version is in my head, it just wouldn’t come out.
😂 I get it, anonymous giant. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Nice write up Sonia, well-done!
Handshakes for me is a normal thing from long time ago, It’s very unusual not to shake people, I only resist handshakes in very rare occasions as my heart will direct. As I shake enough hands though, I try to wash my hands frequently even if it’s with only water.
As for hugs, they are no no no, not until I saw life in a tertiary institution and the funny thing is that it’s like almost a normal thing now (not as frequent as handshakes though).
Thank you, Deojay.
Me I shake everyone oo(especially guys)
Lemme just say God has been saving me, I’ve not died yet😂
Although it would be really nice if washing and sanitizing culture doesn’t end with the pandemic😅
Very nice writeup Sonia🙌💯